2.
Now if you used this word of ours in the popular sense, and called him “friend” in the same way in which we speak of all candidates for election as “honourable gentlemen,” and as we greet all men whom we meet casually, if their names slip us for the moment, with the salutation “my dear sir,”—so be it.
But if you consider any man a friend whom you do not trust as you trust yourself, you are mightily mistaken and you do not sufficiently understand what true friendship means.
Indeed, I would have you discuss everything with a friend; but first of all discuss the man himself.
When friendship is settled, you must trust; before friendship is formed, you must pass judgment.
Those persons indeed put last first and confound their duties, who, violating the rules of Theophrastus, judge a man after they have made him their friend, instead of making him their friend after they have judged him.
Ponder for a long time whether you shall admit a given person to your friendship; but when you have decided to admit him, welcome him with all your heart and soul.
Speak as boldly with him as with yourself.
Book: Moral Letters Vol I
Subtitle: Seneca's timeless letters of advice and wisdom.
Author: Seneca
Chapter: On true and false friendship
Location: Chapter 3, Section 2
Content:
2.
Now if you used this word of ours in the popular sense, and called him “friend” in the same way in which we speak of all candidates for election as “honourable gentlemen,” and as we greet all men whom we meet casually, if their names slip us for the moment, with the salutation “my dear sir,”—so be it.
But if you consider any man a friend whom you do not trust as you trust yourself, you are mightily mistaken and you do not sufficiently understand what true friendship means.
Indeed, I would have you discuss everything with a friend; but first of all discuss the man himself.
When friendship is settled, you must trust; before friendship is formed, you must pass judgment.
Those persons indeed put last first and confound their duties, who, violating the rules of Theophrastus, judge a man after they have made him their friend, instead of making him their friend after they have judged him.
Ponder for a long time whether you shall admit a given person to your friendship; but when you have decided to admit him, welcome him with all your heart and soul.
Speak as boldly with him as with yourself.