18. If any have offended against you consider first: What is my relation to men, and that we are made for one another; and in another respect, I was made to be set over them, as a ram over the flock or a bull over the herd.
But examine the matter from first principles, from this: If all things are not mere atoms, it is nature which orders all things: if this is so, the inferior things exist for the sake of the superior, and these for the sake of one another.
Second, consider what kind of men they are at table, in bed, and so forth: and particularly, under what compulsions in respect of opinions they are; and as to their acts, consider with what pride they do what they do.
Third, that if men do rightly what they do, we ought not to be displeased; but if they do not right, it is plain that they do so involuntarily and in ignorance.
For as every soul is unwillingly deprived of the truth, so also is it unwillingly deprived of the power of behaving to each man according to his deserts.
Accordingly men are pained when they are called unjust, ungrateful, and greedy, and in a word wrong-doers to their neighbours.
Fourth, consider that you also do many things wrong, and that you are a man like others; and even if you do abstain from certain faults, still you have the disposition to commit them, though either through cowardice, or concern about reputation, or some such mean motive, you do abstain from such faults.
Fifth, consider that you do not even understand whether men are doing wrong or not, for many things are done with a certain reference to circumstances.
And in short, a man must learn a great deal to enable him to pass a correct judgement on another man's acts.
Sixth, consider when you are much vexed or grieved, that man's life is only a moment, and after a short time we are all laid out dead.
Seventh, that it is not men's acts which disturb us, for those acts have their foundation in men's ruling principles, but it is our own opinions which disturb us.
Take away these opinions then, and resolve to dismiss your judgement about an act as if it were something grievous, and your anger is gone.
How then shall I take away these opinions?
By reflecting that no wrongful act of another brings shame on you: for unless that which is shameful is alone bad, you also must of necessity do many things wrong, and become a robber and everything else.
Eighth, consider how much more pain is brought on us by the anger and vexation caused by such acts than by the acts themselves, at which we are angry and vexed.
Ninth, consider that a good disposition is invincible, if it be genuine, and not an affected smile and acting a part.
For what will the most violent man do to you if you continuest to be of a kind disposition towards him, and if, as opportunity offers, you gently admonishest him and calmly correctest his errors at the very time when he is trying to do you harm, saying, Not so, my child: we are constituted by nature for something else: I shall certainly not be injured, but you are injuring yourself my child.
- And show him with gentle tact and by general principles that this is so, and that even bees do not do as he does, nor any animals which are formed by nature to be gregarious.
And you must do this neither with any double meaning nor in the way of reproach, but affectionately and without any rancour in your soul; and not as if you were lecturing him, nor yet that any bystander may admire, but either when he is alone, and if others are present.
Remember these nine rules, as if you had received them as a gift from the Muses, and begin at last to be a man while you live But you must equally avoid flattering men and being veied at them, for both are unsocial and lead to harm.
And let this truth be present to you in the excitement of anger, that to be moved by passion is not manly, but that mildness and gentleness, as they are more agreeable to human nature, so also are they more manly; and he who possesses these qualities possesses strength, nerves and courage, and not the man who is subject to fits of passion and discontent.
For in the same degree in which a man's mind is nearer to freedom from all passion, in the same degree also is it nearer to strength: and as the sense of pain is a characteristic of weakness, so also is anger.
For he who yields to pain and he who yields to anger, both are wounded and both submit.
But if you will receive also a tenth present from the leader of the Muses (Apollo), and it is this- that to expect bad men not to do wrong is madness, for he who expects this desires an impossibility.
But to allow men to behave so to others, and to expect them not to do you any wrong, is irrational and tyrannical.
Book: Meditations
Subtitle: The classic from Marcus Aurelius.
Author: Marcus Aurelius
Chapter: Book Eleven
Chapter Subtitle: These are the properties of the rational soul: it sees itself, analyses itself, and makes itself such as it chooses; the fruit which it bears itself enjoys- for the fruits of plants and that in animals which corresponds to fruits others enjoy- it obtains its own end, wherever the limit of life may be fixed.
Location: Chapter 11, Section 18
Content:
18. If any have offended against you consider first: What is my relation to men, and that we are made for one another; and in another respect, I was made to be set over them, as a ram over the flock or a bull over the herd.
But examine the matter from first principles, from this: If all things are not mere atoms, it is nature which orders all things: if this is so, the inferior things exist for the sake of the superior, and these for the sake of one another.
Second, consider what kind of men they are at table, in bed, and so forth: and particularly, under what compulsions in respect of opinions they are; and as to their acts, consider with what pride they do what they do.
Third, that if men do rightly what they do, we ought not to be displeased; but if they do not right, it is plain that they do so involuntarily and in ignorance.
For as every soul is unwillingly deprived of the truth, so also is it unwillingly deprived of the power of behaving to each man according to his deserts.
Accordingly men are pained when they are called unjust, ungrateful, and greedy, and in a word wrong-doers to their neighbours.
Fourth, consider that you also do many things wrong, and that you are a man like others; and even if you do abstain from certain faults, still you have the disposition to commit them, though either through cowardice, or concern about reputation, or some such mean motive, you do abstain from such faults.
Fifth, consider that you do not even understand whether men are doing wrong or not, for many things are done with a certain reference to circumstances.
And in short, a man must learn a great deal to enable him to pass a correct judgement on another man's acts.
Sixth, consider when you are much vexed or grieved, that man's life is only a moment, and after a short time we are all laid out dead.
Seventh, that it is not men's acts which disturb us, for those acts have their foundation in men's ruling principles, but it is our own opinions which disturb us.
Take away these opinions then, and resolve to dismiss your judgement about an act as if it were something grievous, and your anger is gone.
How then shall I take away these opinions?
By reflecting that no wrongful act of another brings shame on you: for unless that which is shameful is alone bad, you also must of necessity do many things wrong, and become a robber and everything else.
Eighth, consider how much more pain is brought on us by the anger and vexation caused by such acts than by the acts themselves, at which we are angry and vexed.
Ninth, consider that a good disposition is invincible, if it be genuine, and not an affected smile and acting a part.
For what will the most violent man do to you if you continuest to be of a kind disposition towards him, and if, as opportunity offers, you gently admonishest him and calmly correctest his errors at the very time when he is trying to do you harm, saying, Not so, my child: we are constituted by nature for something else: I shall certainly not be injured, but you are injuring yourself my child.
- And show him with gentle tact and by general principles that this is so, and that even bees do not do as he does, nor any animals which are formed by nature to be gregarious.
And you must do this neither with any double meaning nor in the way of reproach, but affectionately and without any rancour in your soul; and not as if you were lecturing him, nor yet that any bystander may admire, but either when he is alone, and if others are present.
Remember these nine rules, as if you had received them as a gift from the Muses, and begin at last to be a man while you live But you must equally avoid flattering men and being veied at them, for both are unsocial and lead to harm.
And let this truth be present to you in the excitement of anger, that to be moved by passion is not manly, but that mildness and gentleness, as they are more agreeable to human nature, so also are they more manly; and he who possesses these qualities possesses strength, nerves and courage, and not the man who is subject to fits of passion and discontent.
For in the same degree in which a man's mind is nearer to freedom from all passion, in the same degree also is it nearer to strength: and as the sense of pain is a characteristic of weakness, so also is anger.
For he who yields to pain and he who yields to anger, both are wounded and both submit.
But if you will receive also a tenth present from the leader of the Muses (Apollo), and it is this- that to expect bad men not to do wrong is madness, for he who expects this desires an impossibility.
But to allow men to behave so to others, and to expect them not to do you any wrong, is irrational and tyrannical.